Although wedding ceremonies vary considerably depending on the faith or civil authority of the officiant and the formality or informality of the setting, most of them will be made up of standard parts developed over hundreds of years.

In a spiritually-based ceremony there will usually be at least some of the following elements: Processional, Welcome, Invocation, Presentation, Reading(s), Advice to the couple (Homily), Promise, Songs, Vows, Ring Exchange, Candle/ Wine/ Rose-sharing, Benediction and Pronouncement, followed by the Recessional. Civil ceremonies will leave out the more religious elements, but still maintain much of the rest.  Traditions will vary from one religion to another, of course. 

In most religious and civil settings these elements are standardized and the couple will have little to say about them. But when you are married by an Inter-Faith/ Non-Denominational Minister, you can expect considerable flexibility.

PROCESSIONAL:

Etiquette books will give you the traditional order in which the wedding party enters the ceremony site. However, in today’s world many couples are opting for non-traditional processionals. Brides may be escorted by their mothers rather than a male family member, or by both parents. One of my brides recently was escorted by her divorced parents and both their current spouses.

Some couples have two best men and two maids of honor; some have no one designated for those roles. Sometimes the bride’s mother is also her matron of honor or the groom’s father his best man. Sometimes two bridesmaids are escorted by one groomsman. It all depends on whom you want in your party.

One couple had a one-year-old ring-bearer who rode in a wagon festooned with white bows and pulled by the matron-of-honor (his mother). Some couples have chosen to have dogs as ring-bearers.

Special arrangements are sometimes made for members of the bridal party who are physically or mentally challenged.  On at least one occasion, I officiated seated rather than standing because the bride was in a wheelchair.

WELCOME:

This is the greeting to the guests by the officiant and may include mention of the couple’s joy in having them present as well as mention of missing those who could not be present. If you choose, a candle may be lit or a flower placed in a vase to symbolize the presence of beloved family members who have passed away.

INVOCATION:

Here the Creator is asked to bless the couple and their guests. If bride and groom are not comfortable with references to God, this element may be left out.

PRESENTATION:

If the bride is being "given away," this is where her father or other escort is asked to do so.  Many brides choose not to do this, especially when marrying for the second or third time.

READING(S):

There are probably hundreds of choices for readings, from religious quotations to love poems. These may be read either by the officiant or by a guest of the couple or by the couple themselves.

HOMILY/ ADVICE:

Here the officiant gives the couple some advice about how to keep their marriage strong, along with his or her wishes for their future happiness.

PROMISE:

This is a legal requirement in the ceremony. It is here that the bride and groom each promise that they are marrying of their own free will and that they understand all that marriage implies for them. It’s the "I do" element.

SONG(S):

Like the Reading(s), there are hundreds of choices here. A song may be sung by a vocalist or played by a D.J. When an instrumental is chosen, it may be played softly behind the Vows or other elements.

VOWS:

During the Promise, the couple told the officiant that they understand the implications of marriage. The Vows, however, are made to each other. This is their promise of love and faithfulness for the rest of their lives. Couples can choose from many available pre-written vows or they can write their own. Usually, the officiant will read out the vows, phrase by phrase, and the couple will repeat them. But they can choose to memorize them and say them without prompting if they wish.

A possible alternate to the traditional vows is HAND-FASTING, a loose binding together of the hands of the couple with ribbon or cords which comes from Celtic ritual, probably the origin of the phrase "tying the knot."  Verbal promises are made as each cord is tied.

RING-EXCHANGE:

These are the words each of the couple will say while placing the wedding rings on each other’s fingers. Here, too, there is great flexibility in wording and here, too, the officiant will usually ask them to repeat the words phrase by phrase.

When one or both of the couple have a child/ children, they may opt to present a ring or pendant, etc. to the child so that he/ she will feel more a part of the new family.

CANDLES/ WINE/ ROSES/ SAND-BLENDING:

A couple may choose to light a Unity Candle, share some wine, blend colored sands in a keepsake container, or present roses to each other or to their mothers or other loved ones. Here again, many wording options are available and children may be included.

BENEDICTION:

This is a final prayer or blessing on the couple and their future together. It may be religious or secular depending on the couple’s wishes.

PRONOUNCEMENT:

And finally, the legal statement that the officiant has the authority of the State (and in New York, the City) to present this couple now as man and wife. This, of course, is sealed with THE KISS. And if one or both come from a Jewish tradition, it may also be sealed with the breaking of a glass.

RECESSIONAL:

The wedding party goes back up the aisle in the reverse order in which they came down. This is usually followed by a RECEIVING LINE.